What Should Have Been (for Maxine Neely)

When the phone rings at 6am
It has to be an omen
I wanted to ignore the tolling bells
And bury its eggshell shape and color
It was of no use
At 6am
My hands and motor skills are not my own
And what’s more, my love answered the call

I watched her facial lines
And the twitch of her hand as she greeted the voice on the other end
I then watched as she glanced in my specific direction

At 6am eastern standard time
The only people I knew hailed from the sunshine coast
And should have been caught up in the throes of deep REM sleep
Instead of wanting to speak to the likes of me

It wasn’t a good sign

I caught myself speaking out loud
And asking someone
Namely God,
To make everything as it should be with those that I love;
I should have spoken up
I should have been in California  saying goodbye
I should have been there when my son shed tears again for another lost too soon
I should have been there to see Floyd through his masculine front
I should have been there to tell the woman who gave me life that for Maxine
There will one day again be life
I should have been there to tell her what she meant to me
I should have…..

When the phone rings at 6am,
Ignore the sound
Close your eyes and dream of childhood and better days
The younger days
And the attic of one’s mind filled with the dusty repose of small miracles
When the phone rings,
Grab your lover’s hand and calm her concerns
Then fall quickly back  to sleep
Ó1999

For Maxine Neeley (1939-1999)
~see you again God willing